it’s friday night…and i’m doing nothing

I.love.The.Office.

Oooooooooooooh yes.

 

Bliss.  *grin*

kiss the brand new day

i just want to fly
put your arms around me, baby
(sugar ray)

Hello, world.
It’s a beautiful day. :)

This morning, was reading about Jesus’ first miracle. Turning water into wine, not only wine but the best wine.

My friend, Jonolan, posted this bit…it gets into a little about our ideas of God…who He is, what He looks like…and I think too often we construct God in our own image instead of remembering we’ve been created in His. What He chooses to reveal to us is only the smallest fraction of his infinite and glorious nature. In conjunction with my reading this morning…here’s a God whose first miracle was providing wine for a wedding feast - Jesus, providing drink for a party? Is that the kind of God we Christians (collectively) often talk about or relate to? Not too often in most circles I visit…but God has chosen to reveal certain stories and bits and pieces of Himself to us and He chose to convey that.

I wonder in what other ways we construct God to fit our image?

I was part of a discussion the other week about the things we bring to Christianity that aren’t any part of the gospel - the things we add. It’s disgusting and sad to me, really. Strip down Christianity, the burgeoning “religion” and let’s get back to the man, Jesus, and following Him. Let’s get back down to the basics of the gospel - the good news. Let’s shred all the grime and burden and bags we’ve added to this “beast” that has become known as “Christianity.”

In what ways have I added my own ideas about who God is? In what ways do I conveniently put God in a box? If I had any idea who He fully was, would I live life the way I do?

I tremble in awe before Him…as it is now, but I know I only see through a mirror dimly…but one day, face to face.

Shall I laugh, dance, or cower in a corner, ashamed to be in the same room as my Lord and Savior, the Creator of all?

Reminded of writings by Erwin McManus The Barbarian Way or Donald Miller in Searching For God Knows What. What have we made Christianity out to be? “Christianity has become our Shawshank, and our redemption will only come if we find the courage to escape the prison we have created for ourselves.” (McManus)

Desiring to know God for who He is, not for who I, or anyone else, makes Him out to be…

for you, for me

[Over the Rhine's "All I Need Is Everything"]

Slow down. Hold still.
It’s not as if it’s a matter of will.
Someone’s circling. Someone’s moving
a little lower than the angels.
And it’s got nothing to do with me.
The wind blows through the trees,
but if I look for it, it won’t come.
I tense up. My mind goes numb.
There’s nothing harder than learning how to receive.

Calm down. Be still.
We’ve got plenty of time to kill.
No hand writing on the wall:
just the voice that’s in us all.
And you’re whispering to me,
time to get up off my hands and knees,
’cause if I beg for it, it won’t come.
I find nothing but table crumbs.
My hands are empty. God I’ve been naive.

All I need is everything.
Inside, outside, feel new skin.
All I need is everything.
Feel the slip and the grip of grace again.

Slow down. Hold still.
It’s not as if it’s a matter of will.
Someone’s circling. Someone’s moving
a little lower than the angels.
This voice calling me to you:
it’s just barely coming through.
Still, I clearly hear my name.
I’ve been fingering the flame
like tomorrow’s martyr.
It gets harder to believe.

All I need is everything.
Inside, outside, feel new skin.
All I need is everything.
Feel the slip and the grip of grace again.

So from now till kingdom come,
taste the words on the tip of my tongue.
‘Cause we can’t run truth out of town,
only force it underground.
The roots grow deeper
in ways we can’t conceive.

All I need is everything.
Inside, outside feel new skin.
All I need is everything.
Feel the slip and the grip of grace again.

All I need is all I need.

the beat

how does one live without music?

it is the beat of my heart.

when i don’t have a voice…it provides.

when i lose my beat…i can just let it move for me.

pulsating, rhythmic.

it speaks when i cannot.

it gives voice to the utterances of my heart.

it carries me when i can no longer walk.

-

thankful for friends.

you know who you are.

thank you.

whisper

Please help me stay awake,

I’m falling.

(The Counting Crows)

Always think of you.

now

take me

dance

pursue me

don’t relent

i need you

more and more i need you

ready

In my line of work, working with people (not the paralegal side of things but the college student staff side of things :), it can be emotionally draining and physically taxing, and I’m quite frankly tired of juggling both jobs. I am close to being able to leave the firm…but until then, press on I must. I knew this would be a marathon…but…after 14 months, I’m in need of reaching the finish line. I want to be able to devote myself to just one job and concentrate on my students 100%…I’m close but not there yet…and my juggling skills are getting a little shaky…

I’m tired tonight. I’ll have a better outlook tomorrow.

Tonight…I just want to cry but cannot.
The Lord is enough…but sometimes, I just want physical arms to hold me.

“Why” by Bethany Dillon

This house is echoing
With the sound of You knocking at the door
But with three locks
And the shades down
You are easy to ignore
I put You on like an old pair of shoes
I’ve put You off, but now I need You

Why, this love that never leaves me
Why are You holding me tonight
Can’t deny this love that is given me
Why, this love will never leave

You’re a good strategy when I need one
An angle when there is none
Like a doormat
That always says welcome
No matter how much dirt I rub on
But when I am tired and run through
Look over this hill, I’m running to You

beautiful

You’re such a beautiful freak
I wish there were more just like you
You’re not like all of the others

And that is why i love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
That is why i love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak

(Eels’ “Beautiful Freak”)

loving the unlovely

In need of a little love and grace today…

Thinking of Stevie Wonder’s line, “Love’s in need of love today.”

Mostly in need of it from myself, perfectionist that I tend to be.

pride

May my foolish pride forever let me down. (Switchfoot I believe).

trust

Do you give trust freely until it is broken or must one earn trust?

I think the answer has much to do with our cultural backgrounds, personalities and life experiences, but I am pondering this question as well lately.

pondering

There’s a theory that those who rescue in truth are the ones who want to be rescued.

How often is this true of us in our relationships and lives?

here, there

My top searches leading people to this particular blog?

• moriahjoy
• capture my heart
• dating long distance

My top post?

On internet dating and long distance relationships.

Hmm.  ;)

stirring

I’m restless, stirring, ready for more.
Will I ever be satiated?
Is that even the point?
I’ve written thoughts on this stirring before…
It disturbs me to think of always wanting more…
Sweet simplicity.
How to obtain it…
Or is that the point.
It isn’t attainable.
And God is reminding me, reminding us, reminding humanity that only He can satiate us.

And we won’t fully understand this side of the mirror.

I seem to need to remember this time and time again.

smile

Oh, I love U2. =)
Have I mentioned I love life?
“And I wait here for you. With or without you.
Through the storm we reach the shore; you gave it all, but I want more…
With or without you, I can’t live with or without you.”

“And you give yourself away, and you give yourself away.”

continuing to hang on ;)

Half of my staff team is leaving this year (there are four of us, plus our supervisor), including my partner. I’ve known for a year; we broke the news to the students a month ago…watching their tears was rough.

I’m preparing to take over and be the sole staff worker of a 60 plus student chapter. Excited, but sad to see my friend and partner leave. She and her husband are taking other staff positions further East.

We spent the last week working side by side at our last training camp week – working in tandem with her, working with our students, spending the week together concertedly instead of touching base through weekly meetings, emails, or phone calls, as we usually operate throughout the weeks, was such a gift and blessing, but it made her imminent departure even more sad. I’m excited for her new venture with her husband (he’s leaving an engineering job to come on staff) but preparing myself for when she’s truly gone.

I shall miss the other woman who is leaving as well (she has joined the peace corps) – she’s a dear friend, but I shall especially miss my partner. Lots of changes. Always.

I just came back from a fabulous lunch with a friend from the firm; I intend to leave the firm within the year – they hired me knowing I would only be with them for a season – but I’ve made so many dear friends here, and absolutely love my job and my boss, that it’s going to be difficult when that time comes to put in my two weeks’.

One step at a time, one day at a time. I’ve learned not to hold on to any season or person too tightly; I’ve also learned God can change things very quickly.

Who knows what next month will look like, let alone next year. For now, I continue to hang on for the ride. =)

wedding rings

Heard an interesting discussion on the radio this morning driving in…the topic was on women who take off their wedding rings to get free drinks when they go out. The response from the hosts was that that type of behavior is grounds for divorce. Listeners called in, mostly agreeing but a few called in disagreeing, saying, for example, they’d been married 24 years and never wore a ring…

So…what are your thoughts on the custom of exchanging and wearing wedding rings? Yea? Nay? (I ranted, er…’wrote’ on a related subject last year…) ;)

ramblings

I was away from the firm for over a week because I was with my students. I came back this morning to warm greetings…my supervisor just told me one of my colleagues marched into her office yesterday demanding to know where I was. My supervisor said I was returning this week but reminded her that I don’t work Mondays (though I switch up my schedule a lot so the confusion is more than understood)…she then asked my colleague if she needed help with the workload that I usually cover, and my colleague said, “Oh, no, I’m fine; I just miss Christy.” Haha. I’ve been receiving random calls saying “I missed you” all morning.

So guess who I’m going out to lunch with today? ;)

–

In other news, I was minus 21 hours sleep last week (accrued) and the hours I did manage to get in were not very restful; I’m a light sleeper and my roommate was quite loud in the snoring department. I just laughed my way through the nights…thinking to myself, “Well, this is an exercise in patience, grace and love.” Add some coffee…lots and lots of coffee…and I made it through the week and was able to be with my students 100%, especially when I was teaching. =) But needless to say, upon my return home, I am relishing a quiet home and the ability to sleep.

Sans last night! Woke up at 4:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep…hmm, hmm, hmm.

But Becca made me cookies upon my return home…and then dinner last night. I’m really thankful for the small things. =) And today is just a gorgeous day. I hope to take a hike later tonight. We’ll see.

hmm

Today on many accounts has been just a crazy, strange day.

mystery

the act of forgiveness is always a mystery…

(over the rhine)

sigh

My heart is so sad.

I know a Bible is just a Bible…but.

I discovered I accidentally left behind my study Bible at camp; I had the craziest week on many accounts with my students and exhaustedly packed up on Saturday morning before beginning the long trek home, and I had this sense that I had left behind something vastly important but because I am usually thorough when packing up and because I double checked my room, I figured it was just an unexplained uneasiness.

Until this afternoon I realized for sure that I do not have it.

Sigh.

It was quite the investment when I first bought it as a young college student, bent upon studying the claims of Christianity - and as I have grown in my walk with Jesus over the years, it’s served me well.  It’s large, worn, and leather-bound.  The binding is breaking…some pages are now falling out…if I don’t receive it back…I’ll survive and just purchase another study Bible…but my emotional attachment to this Bible is interesting to parse.  I like to think I’m not emotionally attached to material things…but there is some sadness with realizing I may not be able to get the Bible back…it’s been with me for many years, has been used extensively, has many personal notes and papers within it…it’s been…a wonderful tool for my times with Jesus.  And now, it’s gone. And I’m sad.

Quite sad.

Praying that in the midst of another busy week with 400 plus campers, it is somehow found and can be shipped to me.

And here is where patience is required.

;p

In the meantime, until I know for sure, I guess I’ll have to crack out my other versions.

La de da da.

If we take nothing away from this life…then this, too…I should just laugh about and let go.  What good is an emotional attachment to some paper?  The Word is alive and living (i.e. Jesus); the paper is just a revelation of the Word.

All the same, I do hope it is found.

changing status

Although I love being single, I think the decision to get married for me is going to come down to simple practicality. I tend to forget simple things like eating, sleeping,…or…other essentials, as my roommates, current and past, can attest to…so I think I might need to marry simply to survive properly and live life efficiently - especially if I’m looking to do this “life” thing long term.

For example, it’s 2 p.m. and I realized I have not eaten breakfast or lunch yet. A girl cannot live off coffee solely for very long. Trust me. It’s not that I’m opposed to eating; I simply get caught up in things that excite me or about which I’m passionate and it completely slips my mind to pause to eat.

Having a mother around growing up was very good for me, methinks. It’s a wonder I survived into adulthood and that I’ve made it this long on my own.

;p

reflecting

I haven’t decided if I’m taking a half day off, a full day off, or working a full day today. I’m still recuperating from last week, which was an especially intense week. Training camp weeks always are but last week took the cake. =)

The one thing that impresses upon me time and time again, though, is that I have the best job in the world. I am sure there are some who might disagree or challenge me on that, but… ;) I really love my job.

And that is a blessing and what makes this journey worth it.

=)

Now, what begs answering, “To work, or not to work; that is the question.”

wake up ;)

I am soooooooooooo thankful for good coffee.

You have no idea.

;p

It’s not…a matter of thinking camp coffee is bad…(though it is - very weak)…but it’s a matter of just coming home and being sooooooo thankful for a good cup of coffee.

Really really thankful.

;p

inquiry

I can’t live without you,

Tell me, what am I supposed to do about it?

Matchbox Twenty

…

I wanna lay your body down

I want to make this earth our bed

(Jan Krist)

thankful

I’m particularly thankful for rest/Sabbaths, good coffee and hot showers. The latter two are sometimes hard to come by at camp… ;)

–

College students make me crack up. Friday, a few of the Black students in our chapter taught the rest of us some specific dances…and I jumped in because I love to dance/learn, and we had a blast but we worked up quite a sweat with our impromptu dance party (I had 22 students from my chapter up with me for the week)…and then I didn’t shower Saturday morning, woke up early, cleaned the staff house I was living in and then joined my students to help clean the rest of the camp since the camp was short-staffed and another 400 plus students were arriving that night for another week of camp. Midday, as I was hugging my students goodbye before our long trip back home, a few students commented, “You smell so good” or “Your hair smells so good.” I just laughed. There I was, no shower, sleep deprived, grimy from dancing and cleaning camp…and the pronouncement is I smell good. College students are easy to please. ;)

–

It’s been wonderful to have today off; to sleep in, to enjoy some coffee and the cookies Becca made me last night upon my arrival home, and then, the ability to enjoy the amazingly beautiful day we have here…Anna and I went for a long walk that turned into an even longer hike than we intended. We stumbled upon some woods and got a bit “lost” - it was fabulous to explore and be out in God’s creation with the sunlight gracing our faces.  =)

I am blessed.

aftermath

eight days. 400 college students. camp in the middle of nowhere = one tired but joyful staff worker.

It’s good to be home. =)

questioning

Ever feel like you…just don’t have much to say? Or the words don’t flow? Or you have too much to say or don’t know where to begin? Or you are afraid you’ll say too much? Or you are simply tired and cannot put two sentences together in a way that would be of any interest to an outside party?

Welcome to my current state of being – crazy, complicated and contradictory.

Hello, me.
;)

want

I want you to be my love
I want you to be my love
Neath the moon and stars above
I want you to be my love

I want you to know me now
I want you to know me now
Make a promise; make a vow
I know you want me now

Like I want you
Like I want you

I want you to be my love
I want you to be my love
Neath the moon and stars above
I want you to be my love

‘Cause I want you
‘Cause I want you
And I want you
All you’ve been through

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

(OTR)