wedding rings
May 6, 2008 by moriahjoy
Heard an interesting discussion on the radio this morning driving in…the topic was on women who take off their wedding rings to get free drinks when they go out. The response from the hosts was that that type of behavior is grounds for divorce. Listeners called in, mostly agreeing but a few called in disagreeing, saying, for example, they’d been married 24 years and never wore a ring…
So…what are your thoughts on the custom of exchanging and wearing wedding rings? Yea? Nay? (I ranted, er…’wrote’ on a related subject last year…) ;)
Both my husband and I wear wedding rings. We never take them off. They are symbolic of our love for and commitment to each other. We belong together now. They were not expensive.
I also have an engagement ring. Also not expensive, second hand, 3 very small diamonds. We bought the ring 6 months after getting engaged because we couldn’t afford it before. I absolutely refused to spend much money on it, refused to buy a new ring and refused to spend ages looking for the “perfect” ring. We walked into the shop, saw the ring, tried it on, checked the price, bought it.
To buy expensive rings is to miss the point of engagement and marriage. To me, the engagement ring was an outward sign of the fact that my heart belonged from that moment on to Mr. Razzler. The wedding rings are signs of our lifelong commitment to each other.
On this note (to continue my ramblings for just a little longer), we also had a very inexpensive wedding. I just didn’t want to spend a fortune on it. That would have been missing the point. We didn’t spend a lot of money, we had a very simple and lovely wedding, with no fuss.
I’m very opinionated on these things! ;)
However, having just realised that I didn’t actually answer your question (!), I don’t think it is essential to wear wedding rings. Each to their own, as they say!
But to take your ring off in order to get free drinks? Taking liberties, methinks. If you can pretend you’re not married for drinks, then what else will you pretend you’re not married for…?
something else that I feel is more disturbing than those who take off their wedding rings just to get a free drink are people who buy free drinks for those who are married and don’t care.
I suppose a question to ask is what is the motivation behind a: the person taking off their wedding ring to get a free drink or accept a free drink from someone if they are married, and b: the person who still initiates buying a free drink for someone even after seeing a wedding band
While I think wedding rings can definitely be a way to brag about the amount of money you have through the size of the ring (all that bling), and a way for women to feel more girly or add another accessory/piece of jewelry to their body, I think there is a lot of signficance and reason to wear one, both for the wearer and those who see it. While I understand there are some jobs where it might be more dangerous to wear a wedding band or not as practical to wear your expensive diamond ring, I vote for wearing one.
While I don’t think it’s a horrendous crime to take off your wedding ring in some situations (as a nurse, I would have a hard time keeping it on sometimes, I think…) to take it off for a free drink is inexcusable. First of all, is the drink really that important that you would deny the person who you are closest to? Can’t you just cough up the little bit of money for your own drink? Or - crazy idea - choose to not have a drink? On some level I wonder if this an attention thing, gratifying vanity in some way. Is the person using it as a way to measure their attractiveness? (If they were still single, would they get hit on, etc). Maybe it’s a lack of affirmation? I don’t know.
As for the custom of wearing wedding bands in general, I think that it’s a wonderful symbol. Of course, it isn’t everything, but I would like to think that I would wear it with pride. I can’t see myself choosing not to wear one for whatever reason. But I suppose there’s nothing particularly wrong with a couple who chooses not to wear one who is secure in their relationship. But I don’t think that it would be me…
Razzler, in response to your first comment, here here! =) Your engagement ring story and wedding story are right up my ally. ;p Simple, inexpensive and lovely. !! =)
Becca…and Laura…and Razzler…thanks for your responses.
I was just curious what others thought (and would love for others to still weigh in).
I grew up distinctly NOT wanting a wedding band…probably partially because neither of my parents wore one and their fidelity was so strongly impressed upon me, that I just decided, “Eh, who needs one?” and because I am one not the biggest fan of diamonds (aesthetically, not even touching ethically) and two, I feel the rings are only symbolic of an internal decision. I maintained that position until I started working. At that point, after having a lot of men canvass my hand (I was a barista for years) before determining whether to hit upon me or not, I realized just how much value a ring can be. My response would differ depending upon whether or not they had a band on; if they did, they quickly found out I wasn’t receptive to receiving any advances out of respect for their wives, no matter how “harmless” in their minds the flirtations.
So just the practicality of rings made me rethink my stance.
In essence, I don’t think they are necessary for it’s the heart that matters, but in every day living, I think they are definitely helpful. ;p
haha always practical :)
*sheepish grin*
When all your girlfriends are getting married (or divorced), it certainly helps you hone your own beliefs on certain subjects.
Somehow I am able to sincerely live in the tension of wanting simplicity if and when that day/time comes in my life (i.e. inexpensive engagement ring/wedding band and simple wedding) but still rejoicing with my friends who do not choose to go the simplicity route. I am able to sincerely enjoy their celebrating and expressions of love while maintaining my own firm preferences, beliefs and convictions. Anna (former roommate/closest friend) might say that’s just me being a man in my compartmentalizing abilities (that’s a subject for another post ;) but…I’m convinced otherwise. Not quite sure how the two synthesize except that after much discipline, the adage “rejoice with those who rejoice” seems to finally be more natural to me. What was once done out of obedience has now also become part of my spirit/heart.
;p