Can you be in love with two people at the same time?
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Yes
is the simple answer. But how you get there is probably more to do with your dealings with the people involved. I could be really unlucky and meet two ‘ideal’ women at the same time :-)
I disagree. Well I guess not entirely. I don’t think that you can be loving in that way to two people at the same time. Eventually something has got to give. You can have strong feelings for two different people in two different ways, but I don’t think that anyone can keep it up for long. But maybe other people are different than me. I have a hard time even being interested in two people at the same time (I may like more than one person, but to different degrees, I guess). If someone were to tell me that they were in love with me, but proceed to tell me that they were equally in love with someone else, I just don’t think that I would understand that. It just can’t be. Love and trust are so closely connected…
THERE’S SOMEONE ELSE?!! haha yes I couldn’t resist. :-P It’s nice to see you writing regularly again.
Haha, RWGs, then I must ask, what constitutes “being in love”?
;) Please explicate. I’m not agreeing or contending with your point. But I feel if the answer is “yes” I need to unpack how exactly that is possible and what being “in love” entails.
So how about it? What does “being in love” mean?
=)
Should you be so fortuitous to meet two ideal women simultaneously, please refrain from telling both of them their “idealism” doesn’t weigh more heavily with you than the other’s. Somehow I think that might not go over too well. *wink*
@ Laura
I disagree. Well I guess not entirely. I don’t think that you can be loving in that way to two people at the same time.
I tend to agree (shh, close your eyes, RWGs, so I don’t give away my stance on this question ;).
Eventually something has got to give. You can have strong feelings for two different people in two different ways, but I don’t think that anyone can keep it up for long.
I think it really comes down to how we’re defining “in love” and I’m not sure I have hammered out an all encompassing definition as of yet. ;p But I tend to think I probably predicate my understanding in a much more stringent (or perhaps broad and deep?) manner than many, which would, by logical necessity demand that you cannot possibly be in love with two individuals simultaneously.
But maybe other people are different than me. I have a hard time even being interested in two people at the same time (I may like more than one person, but to different degrees, I guess).
Haha, yeah.
If someone were to tell me that they were in love with me, but proceed to tell me that they were equally in love with someone else, I just don’t think that I would understand that. It just can’t be. Love and trust are so closely connected…
Same here, Laura.
I might be able to agree that they have strong emotional feelings, ties, or interest in two people simultaneously but I think “being in love” entails much more than that but is often only relegated to that…I dunno. I’d like to believe that when you are in love with someone, you cannot imagine living life without them and by extension, rule out living life with anyone else (assuming for argument’s sake the framework of a two-person relationship paradigm, which I know has been and continues to be challenged throughout history)…that it goes beyond deep emotional feelings but somehow involves choice, commitment and action.
Still mulling over this.
Part of me wonders, with RWGs, if it is possible…at least on the first, cursory level.
@ greekphysique
THERE’S SOMEONE ELSE?!! haha yes I couldn’t resist. :-P It’s nice to see you writing regularly again.
Haha, amusing, greekphysique.
And thanks. :) I tend not to stay away long whenever I cut back on writing… ;p I see you’ve returned from your hiatus. Welcome back.
Part of me wonders, with RWGs, if it is possible…at least on the first, cursory level.
Well, if it is just on that first, cursory level, it wouldn’t be love now, would it? At least by the standard I ascribe to… which I think you most likely subscribe to as well. But that brings us back to the definition of love, which is another subject entirely! There’s no arguing about it without a good definition.
(what have I left myself in for)
If a person is married for years and then suddenly finds someone else and thinks they are in love it’s bollox. It’s lust or it’s a failure to guard the heart.
If I met a girl who I was interested in and then a couple of months later met another girl who I was also interested in it would be different and incredibly frustrating :-)
Love the feeling. Yes. Love the decision. No
To me, loving someone brings with it the desire to protect that person from all harm. If you truly love someone you would never knowingly do anything to hurt them. Therefore, loving two people at the same time cannot possibly be love at its truest level, because you would be hurting both of them.
This all depends, as Laura said, on what your definition of “being in love” is.
@ Laura
Well, if it is just on that first, cursory level, it wouldn’t be love now, would it?
I very much tend to agree with you, Laura, but I also think love differs by degrees…and am not so sure I’m willing to give up the cursory level…husband and wives, with happy marriages, say ten years later they are more in love with each other than they were on their wedding day…that their understanding of love has deepened and expanded…so maybe on a cursory level…that could be “love” to someone who has not experienced yet a deeper, broader understanding of love? Just rambling out loud here…
At least by the standard I ascribe to… which I think you most likely subscribe to as well. But that brings us back to the definition of love, which is another subject entirely! There’s no arguing about it without a good definition.
Part of the point of discussing it is in fact to help sort through the various definitions/understandings and clue in to what others’ believe about it. :) I sometimes feel paradoxical – I have this high standard for “love” and yet…this broad understanding of “love” as well. Is it possible both can be true simultaneously without being mutually exclusive? I think perhaps “yes.” But when it comes to marrying someone, I’ll take the more stringent (dare I say “deeper”? ;) take on “love,” please and thank you. ;p
(For the record, I miss you!)
@ RWGs
(what have I left myself in for)
Muhahaha. ;)
If a person is married for years and then suddenly finds someone else and thinks they are in love it’s bollox. It’s lust or it’s a failure to guard the heart.
I agree. I think. Is being in love merely here, in this context, understood to be based purely on feeling? If it’s simply lust, that’s one thing; if it’s more…then they weren’t guarding themselves enough or loving their spouse to allow the connection to develop to the point of feeling in love with another person. A failure to guard their heart against straying from their spouse.
If I met a girl who I was interested in and then a couple of months later met another girl who I was also interested in it would be different and incredibly frustrating :-)
Seems to me to be a difference between “interest” and love. Theoretically, say I choose to love someone; I could still find others attractive, interesting or intriguing…but if I allowed the possibility of attraction to develop into a more intimate relationship, then I am not truly loving the one I am with. It’s at the point that I open the door emotionally to another to fill that place that only my significant other should fill that I have failed to properly love the one I’m with. I think if one thinks about guarding one’s relationship in that manner, then it would be almost virtually impossible to truly be “in love” with two people at the same time.
Love the feeling. Yes. Love the decision. No
On one level I agree; on the other, no…I think love the feeling could only come about by intense time spent or by sharing intimacies of the heart and mind with someone and not guarding your heart…and therefore…that requires a decision/time spent with someone else…which would theoretically be cut off by not deciding to go down that road. So if it’s merely a feeling…then wouldn’t it be more lust or dissatisfaction with your current relationship and the excitement of the unknown or different? That cannot be labeled “love” can it?
@ Razzler
To me, loving someone brings with it the desire to protect that person from all harm. If you truly love someone you would never knowingly do anything to hurt them. Therefore, loving two people at the same time cannot possibly be love at its truest level, because you would be hurting both of them.
Couldn’t have said it better. I should have read your comment before responding above and just quoted you; I would have saved others from my verbosity then. ;p
Christy – I love your verbosity!
Aww. Thanks, Razzler. :)