thoughts

I’m twenty-seven and feeling very…old today.  Mostly because I feel my singleness acutely this afternoon.

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My definition of singleness is that I am single until I say “I do.” So even when I’m dating someone, I’m still single, though attached, until I commit myself to someone for life by saying “I do.”  And there are various commitments I’ve made in my singleness which include keeping myself physically until I give someone that gift in marriage.  And that’s hard.  And sometimes just really sucks and is painful, especially when so many of your friends are married and you’re…well…not.  ;p

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The farther I get from when my mother bore children, the more strange my life seems to be.  I thought growing up I’d become a mother around the same age as my mother, but I’ve far surpassed her in age now when she first had me, her firstborn.  Such a strange thought.  If and when I do have children, I will be, by necessity be an older mother.  That’s of course, if I marry and if God chooses to give my husband and I the gift of life.

Anyway.

I’m not bemoaning the choices I’ve made in life that finds me here, blogging this afternoon…it’s just strange to think about the reality, sometimes.

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If I could have looked into my future, it definitely looked much different than what it has unfolded to be – isn’t that usually the case.

Sigh.

I think I’ve been couped up inside sorting through paperwork for much too long today.

And this month is just flying by.