I wonder what kind of wife I’ll be. (No, I haven’t said “yes” to a proposal, just thinking hypothetically.)
In a conversation with a friend yesterday, he asserted that some of my music would have to go when I had children…and the minute he implied that I had music I’d have to give up, my feathers got all ruffled. I don’t like being told what to do…which wasn’t his intention…but beyond that…I grew up with legalism (though my mother isn’t that way anymore) and so I’m especially sensitive when it comes to music…I totally see not listening to some music around children…but then…that is what headphones are for…I dunno. I definitely will have to think through that one day should I have kids…until then, it’s not really an issue, but it has me thinking. What are the sacrifices I”ll make if I were to become a mother and furthermore, what shall I let my kids be exposed to and how much shall I shelter them during their formative years? It’s a delicate balance, done with a lot of grace…and the outcome is the Lord’s…but it terrifies me, raising children, while simultaneously exciting me.
Anyway. I’ve been told I think too much and think ahead to possible future realities way too much. To those who decry my thought-life…I just point to my Meyer’s Briggs personality profile AND Marcus Buckingham’s Strength-finder results…one of my “strengths” determined by both tests is that of strategic thinking and looking forward to the future and testing and trying out all possible outcomes, etc… ;p Makes sense of my whole life, looking back. I was already thinking about what kind of mother and wife I wanted to be, what kind of character, etc. by the time I was nine years old and whenever I had a conflict with mother over parenting styles, thinking through how I’d parent and discipline children and how I’d run a household, etc.
lol.
The older I grow, the less sure I will be a good parent I am and the more my abilities come into question. At 11, I was going to be an amazing parent. At 18, I was going to be a great parent. At twenty-seven, I’m asking myself if I want to subject lovely little ones to my sin and failures as their mother. ;p
Re: your last paragraph– I’ve followed a similar progression. I’m far more apprehensive about parenting than I was when I was younger and stupider.
So in essence, as you’ve grown older and wiser, you’d increased your chances of being the mother you had claimed you would be when you were 11. ;)
@ Lisa,
My guess is this progression is common…
:)
@ jonolan,
Let’s hope so! ;)
The older I grow, the less sure I will be a good parent I am and the more my abilities come into question. At 11, I was going to be an amazing parent. At 18, I was going to be a great parent. At twenty-seven, I’m asking myself if I want to subject lovely little ones to my sin and failures as their mother. ;p
Well look at it this way. Your parents subjected you to theirs and I, for one, think you turned out alright :-)
I think yours is a healthy attitude. Awareness of the responsibility should always balance any eagerness to have kids. It’s not something to be rushed into lightly
Thanks, stiofainod. (Your name is seriously impossible. I might start referring to you as “Stio.” ;p)
I’m definitely not rushing into it lightly. I know should I marry and be blessed with a baby, all the training my mother provided, plus all the experience I had with my siblings, plus God’s grace and our internal mothering wiring, I’ll be okay, but at this moment, pre-marriage/pre-pregnancy…the task seems a little daunting.
I also think I need to stop reading/listening to the news. Then bringing children into this world won’t seem like such a weighty task…subjecting them not only to my brokenness but the world’s…
La de da da.
It’s funny about the name thing. I have a twitter account using the same handle and some Americans said they couldn’t make sense of it and then I said it for them. They were impressed because it, and I quote: “sounds like some Norse god of thunder”.
It’s basically my first name and the the first letter of my surname in what is my native tongue so to speak :-)
You have to expect people to have “problems” with Gaeilge words and names – too many letters for the number of syllables. ;-)
From a historical perspective though, it’s hilarious that some people think it sounds Norse. lol
@Jonolan
There’s only 18 letters in the alphabet. You think we could avoid that problem ;-)
And yes, the irony wasn’t lost on me either about those wonderful Vikings :-)
I refer to him as Saint.