“Christy, you’re the kind of friend people avoid when they’re doing wrong or are doing something they shouldn’t because they know by your very nature and quality of friendship, you’ll call them out on it – even if you say nothing to them, they just…know… what they should be doing and don’t want to disappoint you or deal with it.”
I’ve lost a lot of friendships over the years…sometimes I wonder if that has anything to do with it.
My friends and I are constantly striving to grow, learn, mature, develop, sharpen each other, grow in our faith, in our walks, in our lives. Grow to be better friends, better employees, better family members, etc. To do that proactively and intentionally, it takes work and commitment, and a lot of people just aren’t interested in that.
Many times, I’ve found that friends, unconsciously, usually ;p, avoid hanging out with me at various times in their lives, because I challenge them and they don’t want to be challenged or they know what advice I’ll give and they don’t want to hear it, even if they know I’m right.
A lot of times, friends fade in and out of my life…and when they come back, they have some story to tell me that they said they kept from me because they knew what I’d say about it had they told me at the beginning, and they wanted to do it anyway, but now they’re dealing with the consequences and kicking themselves they didn’t keep me in their lives to be a helpful voice in their life.
One friend told me I’m one of two people he would always run by every major decision in his life because of my wisdom. (Whatever wisdom that is - just a gift from God – Scripture and the Holy Spirit). But anyway, this kind of proactive, interactive, engaging relationship is what I’m always about – it’s natural to me, and I cannot imagine anything else.
I take after both of my parents. Both deeply thoughtful, deeply wise, deeply good with conversation.
I also do this in my job, on a regular basis, as well, not just with my personal circle of friends and family.
It can be lonely, though…when friends avoid you because they know you’ll speak truth in love – and you just miss them. (By the way, I’m not just giving advice or counsel, unsolicited – these things always crop up from conversations or when they invite me into situations, etc… ;p)
And apparently, I have eyes that bore into a person’s soul. Countless people talk about my eyes…that when we’re talking, they feel like I’m seeing directly into their soul. One gal said to another friend, “I cannot lie to Christy, because she just knows when I’m lying; I might as well be honest- she just knows.” I’ve had friends squirm and ask me not to look at them when we’re talking (many, many times over). I ask why and they say they feel like their soul is exposed. I don’t know what this is. I hope it’s a gift from God to be used for good, but it is an interesting facet of my life. I probe, I prod, I try to ask helpful questions…counseling comes rather naturally to me, albeit I’m a layperson and not a professional. But between my philosophical background and propensity for asking good Socratic questions ;) and my professional training in ministry, plus a whole lot of life and professional experience, I think helping people connecting the dots and think more deeply and thoughtfully about their lives and seeing them make connections and grow and find freedom in truth and in healing, etc…is one of the greatest joys in my life.
True friendship is not always easy. And it doesn’t always “feel good.” And sometimes that’s frustrating, in a feel-good culture and society. Especially when you’re missing particular friendships.
I have a lot to ponder – I could be completely off…anyway, much for me to think about.
