re-vision

Get out of my head
You walked away
Erase the years
Erase the laughter
The tears, the anger
Ease the pain your joy brings
Irony, sweet and biting
You became all you promised you’d never be
And me, I’m left holding the bag
Why, why do this
Addiction, cyclical, the drugs just change faces
Love, passion, insecurity
Your new high
Vandalizing all that is good
And all that you [...]

Read Full Post »

faithfulness

Qualities can be strengths or weaknesses…”faithfulness” is usually seen as a good quality, but I still smile when I think of Mom years ago telling a suitor that one of her concerns about me is that I am extremely faithful and she was afraid I’d be faithful to him. lol. I think she meant [...]

Read Full Post »

priceless

A woman’s heart, faith and trust is something incredibly valuable. Priceless, really. :)

Read Full Post »

the varying faces of grief

Grieving the loss of a close friendship; seasons come, seasons go and so I must adjust.
“I don’t need him” I state to a friend to try to help provide self comfort in the face of this painful loss.
“Yes you do; you just aren’t dependent upon him; but you need him; that’s why this loss is [...]

Read Full Post »

sleep

Disconnect.
Keep me compartmentalized
Neatly wrapped up in a bow,
Resting on the dusty recesses of your shelf
Pull out when you desire;
Then shove back when it’s inconvenient.
Blind…dichotomistic…two faces to every man.
Two sides to every story.
Here, there, everywhere.
Your charm can only get you so far.
When does the facade fail?
How long until you wake up
Or is this a permanent sleep?

Read Full Post »

men and women

I mentioned to one of my best friends he should read For Men Only to help him understand half of our disagreements over the years…I’ve read For Women Only to help me understand the male mind and it was insightful and every year that I re-read it, it’s a great refresher course for me. [...]

Read Full Post »

friends

I want to be everything, to everyone.
I know I cannot, but this does not seem, yet, to pervade my internal thought life or the emotional angst when I realize, yet again, I am not, cannot, and will not be able to meet others’ needs.
A dear friend who moved away from friends and family wants a [...]

Read Full Post »

raw

in a smashing pumpkins’ mood…one of their songs just came on…aptly reflects my demeanor.
to say i’m having a rough time would be an understatement.
to say God is always faithful is a reality.
–
sometimes i just need someone to hold me.
sometimes i wish God had physical arms.
but taking one day at a time.
it’s been one of the [...]

Read Full Post »

God’s love in human form

I’ve spent the last half hour alternating between quietly crying and sobbing, reading this story.
What do I say to the author but acknowledgment of the grief I feel for him and his family and the promise to pray for them as the Holy Spirit brings them to mind?
His story stirs up so many emotions and [...]

Read Full Post »

question

What do you do to feel alive?

Read Full Post »

on pleasing others

I like pleasing people. I like pleasing people a lot. I used to think I had overcome this trait, which, in general, I believe to be detrimental to health and vitality…but…I’ve come to realize that deep down at my core, I still struggle with the desire to be liked, to be affirmed, to [...]

Read Full Post »

pray

I came home last night to find out that a student from a neighboring campus was in a terrible accident.  Her name is Ruth.  She is currently in a drug-induced coma with broken ribs, punctured lungs, a punctured colon, severed vertebrae, and a blood clot in her brain.
And all I can do right now is…pray.
I [...]

Read Full Post »

pondering

Ever have those friends with whom you get along with really well but you almost inevitably end up in some sort of argument with?  Is it because the two are too much alike?  Too far different?  Or is it just that some personalities, when you bring them together, explode? ;)  And it’s a beautiful fireworks [...]

Read Full Post »

ramblings on language and the heart

life is so strange, sometimes.
i’m really trying to wrap my mind around it.
and i’m just plain hungry for some c.s. lewis. i haven’t taken any proper time with his writings lately and i’m feeling a drought.
i made a crustless pumpkin pie tonight. i’ve been saying i’d make one since february…heh. finally made [...]

Read Full Post »

;)

itching to dance…
“let’s go ouuuuuuuuuuu-t tonight!”
(rent)
excited about a lot of things. nervous, a bit…well…”scared” isn’t the word…a bit apprehensive about how everything shall work…time shall tell…preparing to say a lot of “goodbyes”…excited about the next steps…hungry for life.
my mother was right…she told me that because i had given so much of my time helping [...]

Read Full Post »

compartmentalization – a masculine trait?

I’m really good at compartmentalizing. So much so, that those closest to me say I’m like a man in that area…
There’s no doubt about it – I am emotionally in tune with myself (i.e. a polite, sugarcoated way of saying “an emotional female”) – but when it comes to living life…I’m extremely good, probably [...]

Read Full Post »

beginning

I love New York City!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a thirteen hour trip (I drove the whole way), we ended up at Dan and Annika’s after being lost in the city for about an hour – primarily the Chinatown area…after twelve hours in the car, you can imagine how fun it was to be lost…I actually had a blast [...]

Read Full Post »

“nice”

Like the wicked witch of the west, I feel like I’m melting, yo! Over 90 degrees and with the humidity, it feels way more hot…and I’m not a fan of the heat.
Pant, pant.
–
Waiting for laundry to be done, pretending I don’t have to still pack for tomorrow. ;p
NYC, here we [...]

Read Full Post »

love

want you to know that i still love you
india arie
I think love never ends…it morphs, changes, but most often, never truly ends…our ways of dealing with it force us to compartmentalize, ignore, or bury it when it must change nature…maybe we use such absolutist terms to help us deal with the changes and pain or [...]

Read Full Post »

coffee, coffee, all things coffee

I use the word “coffee” for a general meeting at a place where they serve coffee. I have never actually ordered just coffee… the closest I sometimes get is a coffee based beverage, like a latte. Sometimes it’s not even a coffee based beverage (hot chocolate, chai tea, etc…)
I think it’s just the idea of [...]

Read Full Post »

conversation

While driving to a wedding reception, after getting some espresso-based coffee and talking about weddings in general and the pomp and circumstance that comes with them (and both agreeing if we were to ever marry, respectively, we’d want something very simple and fun)…Dan says out of the blue…
“You are a high maintenance woman.”
Christy: “What?! [...]

Read Full Post »

parsing: desire vs. reality

I spent quite a bit of time this past holiday weekend mulling over the question of whether or not I like things because I truly like them or if I like them because I want to like them.
I shared this with my best friend, when asked what I was thinking ;), who in [...]

Read Full Post »

paradigm shifts

[Feeling rather…blah about having articulated my thoughts well on this since reading it over, but since I published it, I will leave it for now. Hopefully it makes some sense or resonates on some level…;p ]
What paradigm shifts have you experienced that affect your life?
I was mulling over this question this past weekend. [...]

Read Full Post »

back in town

Back after a lovely four days away up-north (on a lake, in the middle of the woods – how much better can you get than that? ;) sailing, kayaking, swimming, playing tennis, going into town and enjoying the little unique shops and having lunch at a fabulous cafe, getting a wonderful mocha cappuccino, walking down [...]

Read Full Post »

flexibility

life never ceases to surprise me.
–
surprise!
and it rolls on.
barely time to catch my breath.
roll with it.
smile.
and kiss the brand new day.
this is the stuff of life.
surprises you never saw coming.
emotional roulette or fodder for laughter?
perhaps both.
grieve the past.
ghosts breeze in to say “hello.”
clean out the closets.
demons want to stay.
it’s your choice to play host
or [...]

Read Full Post »

fullness

My heart is full…I slept for eight hours last night but I still feel as if I’m in need of sleep/rest.  (I didn’t get much sleep this past week – and then yesterday, one of my students called me shortly after 6 a.m. just to return a phone call so I got even less sleep [...]

Read Full Post »

question re weddings

How important is it for friends and extended family to be a part of the wedding ceremony itself? Would you feel gypped if one of your best friends or family members decided to get married in a private, small ceremony and then celebrated on a later date with a big but low-key, inexpensive reception/party? [...]

Read Full Post »

random

I call a friend while I’m at a stoplight to ask a question and she interjects and says, “Is that you at the corner of such-and-such?”
She was parked in a parking lot next to me, just randomly eating an ice cream cone.
Then, when I reach my destination, to be fitted for the next wedding I’m [...]

Read Full Post »

irony is thick

So I was asked indirectly by someone giving marriage counseling to do an informal session with two of my dearest friends who are getting married later this summer (wedding number two of this summer season, bringing the count up to six weddings I’ve stood up in so far ;P).
I find this highly amusing and a [...]

Read Full Post »

musing

I have an amazing ability to retain a sense of close intimacy with friends and people even over great distances and time…
Last night, I talked with my childhood best friend – she lives on the other side of the country, is a busy mother of three young ones, and has a husband and household to [...]

Read Full Post »