thanks

Counseling. Raised to think it unBiblical.  Psychobabble.  Needless.  A mix of secular pride and Christian self-help, entwined, enmeshed around the idea of seeking therapy.  Heaven forbid you admit you need help.  Holy Spirit can heal you, they said; you just need to do more work – spiritual work, of course – read your Bible, pray, [...]

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reflection

Yesterday was one month since I ended the relationship and walked away from an amazing man and one of my best friends. I miss him. That goes without saying. God is faithful to provide for my needs, though. I spent yesterday with God all day – drove out to a retreat center I go to [...]

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overload

Oblivious Without a care Jackass extraordinaire Wrapped in a bleeding heart Depth of reality You’ll never know Power wielded, Cumbersome. Intimidation, don’t work here But that’s the problem Emotional compromise Overload. – May 27, 2010

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cake

To all the boys who want to have their cake and eat it, too… I’m not for consumption I won’t be your balm Your rationality Your wisdom Your hope Your comfort Your shoulder to cry on Your emotional support Your best friend Twice removed. I won’t be your dumping ground Your punching bag Your go-to [...]

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theme song for today

In obedience to Jesus, there is just complete freedom; learning to love that freedom more and more as I embrace obeying Him. Love this song.  Learning to let go more and more… I’m being dragged down, down by the hand The hand of a golden giant man He’s crushing my knuckles Splitting my skin, he [...]

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tonight.

separating fiction from fact lies from truth habits from freedom present reality from kingdom perspective desires from needs self-awareness from God-awareness immaturity from maturity selfishness from selflessness shadows of love from the real thing. – May 25, 2010

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change has come

Here again. Frustrated. And yet… Changed. No longer captive. Free to walk away. Free to laugh. Free to dance the dance. No longer pining, Hoping, Longing. Portending you care. – May 19, 2010

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re-vision

Get out of my head You walked away Erase the years Erase the laughter The tears, the anger Ease the pain your joy brings Irony, sweet and biting You became all you promised you’d never be And me, I’m left holding the bag Why, why do this Addiction, cyclical, the drugs just change faces Love, [...]

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priorities & healing

Getting some stuff done…yay. :) – So excited to have just put up my hanging wardrobe – black wrought iron…beautiful piece…and now (after two months, haha), my clothes finally have a home. :) :) :) Wahoo! My room/office is starting to come together. – Missy came over last week to visit and see my new [...]

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men and women

I mentioned to one of my best friends he should read For Men Only to help him understand half of our disagreements over the years…I’ve read For Women Only to help me understand the male mind and it was insightful and every year that I re-read it, it’s a great refresher course for me. I [...]

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friends

I want to be everything, to everyone. I know I cannot, but this does not seem, yet, to pervade my internal thought life or the emotional angst when I realize, yet again, I am not, cannot, and will not be able to meet others’ needs. A dear friend who moved away from friends and family [...]

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raw

in a smashing pumpkins’ mood…one of their songs just came on…aptly reflects my demeanor. to say i’m having a rough time would be an understatement. to say God is always faithful is a reality. – sometimes i just need someone to hold me. sometimes i wish God had physical arms. but taking one day at [...]

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God’s love in human form

I’ve spent the last half hour alternating between quietly crying and sobbing, reading this story. What do I say to the author but acknowledgment of the grief I feel for him and his family and the promise to pray for them as the Holy Spirit brings them to mind? His story stirs up so many [...]

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the character of God

Thinking about depending upon the character of God in light of some pretty significant disappointments this past month, in my personal life and the lives of others I hold dear — His character which is good, loving, just, compassionate and merciful. Randomly, Pedro came on and the refrain “If I look up and the sky’s [...]

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interpreting truth

To give truth to him who loves it not is but to give him more plentiful material for misinterpretation. – George MacDonald

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faith

“With faith like a child…” (Jars of Clay) What does it mean to have “faith like a child”?  Practically for those of us familiar with the theological terminology or intimations surrounding the phrase…what does it mean when we put flesh and blood on the concept?

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on pleasing others

I like pleasing people. I like pleasing people a lot. I used to think I had overcome this trait, which, in general, I believe to be detrimental to health and vitality…but…I’ve come to realize that deep down at my core, I still struggle with the desire to be liked, to be affirmed, to be approved. [...]

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waiting

A random poem I found while cleaning out some paperwork from my life…I don’t entirely agree with the underlying theology espoused here, but overall, I think it has some gems. No idea who wrote it or even where or how I have it my possession. :) But thought I’d share. “In God’s Time” Everyone longs [...]

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experience

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, do you learn. – C.S. Lewis

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films and ethics

Just watched “Training Day” yesterday for the second or third time – love that movie… Looking forward to watching in the near future: Tears of the Sun Traffic A River Runs Through It Dracula (outlier, haha) Mono Lisa Smile Antwone Fisher The Siege Legends of the Fall The Thin Red Line Inside Man The two [...]

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ramblings on language and the heart

life is so strange, sometimes. i’m really trying to wrap my mind around it. and i’m just plain hungry for some c.s. lewis. i haven’t taken any proper time with his writings lately and i’m feeling a drought. i made a crustless pumpkin pie tonight. i’ve been saying i’d make one since february…heh. finally made [...]

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;)

itching to dance… “let’s go ouuuuuuuuuuu-t tonight!” (rent) excited about a lot of things. nervous, a bit…well…”scared” isn’t the word…a bit apprehensive about how everything shall work…time shall tell…preparing to say a lot of “goodbyes”…excited about the next steps…hungry for life. my mother was right…she told me that because i had given so much of [...]

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on sin

A letter. [Take it or leave it. Thoughts free-flow...] I Turn Everything Over (Switchfoot) Monday found me on my knees again Breathing You in To blur the lines that mark where I begin And where You end No use in trying to pretend Come take me again ‘Cause rumor has it I’m not who I’ve [...]

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compartmentalization – a masculine trait?

I’m really good at compartmentalizing. So much so, that those closest to me say I’m like a man in that area… There’s no doubt about it – I am emotionally in tune with myself (i.e. a polite, sugarcoated way of saying “an emotional female”) – but when it comes to living life…I’m extremely good, probably [...]

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love

want you to know that i still love you india arie I think love never ends…it morphs, changes, but most often, never truly ends…our ways of dealing with it force us to compartmentalize, ignore, or bury it when it must change nature…maybe we use such absolutist terms to help us deal with the changes and [...]

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the ugliness of pride

I have to write a quick biographical sketch for something work-related…and it’s up to my discretion…and as I was describing my degree within the sketch, I automatically included that I graduated from the University of Michigan with high distinction. Ugh. In reworking the piece, I removed that bit…but why does pride run so deep? Professed [...]

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passion

Writing calls my heart. Work responsibilities demand my attention. And such is life. What passion calls you? In what do you consistently and thoroughly get lost? What breathes life into you, sustains you, feeds your soul? Expands your mind, nourishes your body? What are you passionate about?

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coffee, coffee, all things coffee

I use the word “coffee” for a general meeting at a place where they serve coffee. I have never actually ordered just coffee… the closest I sometimes get is a coffee based beverage, like a latte. Sometimes it’s not even a coffee based beverage (hot chocolate, chai tea, etc…) I think it’s just the idea [...]

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being a woman

i should be leaving for an errand, but quickly… i love days that i feel especially beautiful. because in today’s society, that’s saying something… and i think it brings glory to God to be comfortable with who he has made you to be… i love being a woman. and the power we have as women [...]

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question

I’m rebelling against the fact that I have to go in to work today…and am sitting here reading blogs this morning, drinking coffee, way past the time I should have stepped into the shower. But now I have to snap back to the reality that I’m behind schedule and dash around. ;) – In light [...]

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