re-vision

Get out of my head
You walked away
Erase the years
Erase the laughter
The tears, the anger
Ease the pain your joy brings
Irony, sweet and biting
You became all you promised you’d never be
And me, I’m left holding the bag
Why, why do this
Addiction, cyclical, the drugs just change faces
Love, passion, insecurity
Your new high
Vandalizing all that is good
And all that you [...]

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priorities & healing

Getting some stuff done…yay. :)
–
So excited to have just put up my hanging wardrobe – black wrought iron…beautiful piece…and now (after two months, haha), my clothes finally have a home. :) :) :) Wahoo! My room/office is starting to come together.
–
Missy came over last week to visit and see my new place. [...]

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men and women

I mentioned to one of my best friends he should read For Men Only to help him understand half of our disagreements over the years…I’ve read For Women Only to help me understand the male mind and it was insightful and every year that I re-read it, it’s a great refresher course for me. [...]

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friends

I want to be everything, to everyone.
I know I cannot, but this does not seem, yet, to pervade my internal thought life or the emotional angst when I realize, yet again, I am not, cannot, and will not be able to meet others’ needs.
A dear friend who moved away from friends and family wants a [...]

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raw

in a smashing pumpkins’ mood…one of their songs just came on…aptly reflects my demeanor.
to say i’m having a rough time would be an understatement.
to say God is always faithful is a reality.
–
sometimes i just need someone to hold me.
sometimes i wish God had physical arms.
but taking one day at a time.
it’s been one of the [...]

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God’s love in human form

I’ve spent the last half hour alternating between quietly crying and sobbing, reading this story.
What do I say to the author but acknowledgment of the grief I feel for him and his family and the promise to pray for them as the Holy Spirit brings them to mind?
His story stirs up so many emotions and [...]

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the character of God

Thinking about depending upon the character of God in light of some pretty significant disappointments this past month, in my personal life and the lives of others I hold dear — His character which is good, loving, just, compassionate and merciful.
Randomly, Pedro came on and the refrain “If I look up and the sky’s not [...]

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interpreting truth

To give truth to him who loves it not is but to give him more plentiful material for misinterpretation.
- George MacDonald

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faith

“With faith like a child…”
(Jars of Clay)
What does it mean to have “faith like a child”?  Practically for those of us familiar with the theological terminology or intimations surrounding the phrase…what does it mean when we put flesh and blood on the concept?

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on pleasing others

I like pleasing people. I like pleasing people a lot. I used to think I had overcome this trait, which, in general, I believe to be detrimental to health and vitality…but…I’ve come to realize that deep down at my core, I still struggle with the desire to be liked, to be affirmed, to [...]

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waiting

A random poem I found while cleaning out some paperwork from my life…I don’t entirely agree with the underlying theology espoused here, but overall, I think it has some gems. No idea who wrote it or even where or how I have it my possession. :) But thought I’d share.

“In God’s Time”
Everyone longs [...]

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experience

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, do you learn.
- C.S. Lewis

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films and ethics

Just watched “Training Day” yesterday for the second or third time – love that movie…
Looking forward to watching in the near future:
Tears of the Sun
Traffic
A River Runs Through It
Dracula
(outlier, haha) Mono Lisa Smile
Antwone Fisher
The Siege
Legends of the Fall
The Thin Red Line
Inside Man
The two noticeable themes in these movies? Denzel Washington and Anthony Hopkins. ;)
Anyway, with [...]

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ramblings on language and the heart

life is so strange, sometimes.
i’m really trying to wrap my mind around it.
and i’m just plain hungry for some c.s. lewis. i haven’t taken any proper time with his writings lately and i’m feeling a drought.
i made a crustless pumpkin pie tonight. i’ve been saying i’d make one since february…heh. finally made [...]

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;)

itching to dance…
“let’s go ouuuuuuuuuuu-t tonight!”
(rent)
excited about a lot of things. nervous, a bit…well…”scared” isn’t the word…a bit apprehensive about how everything shall work…time shall tell…preparing to say a lot of “goodbyes”…excited about the next steps…hungry for life.
my mother was right…she told me that because i had given so much of my time helping [...]

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on sin

A letter.
[Take it or leave it. Thoughts free-flow...]
I Turn Everything Over (Switchfoot)
Monday found me on my knees again
Breathing You in
To blur the lines that mark where I begin
And where You end
No use in trying to pretend
Come take me again
‘Cause rumor has it I’m not who I’ve been
Come define me

What can we do
If the rumors [...]

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compartmentalization – a masculine trait?

I’m really good at compartmentalizing. So much so, that those closest to me say I’m like a man in that area…
There’s no doubt about it – I am emotionally in tune with myself (i.e. a polite, sugarcoated way of saying “an emotional female”) – but when it comes to living life…I’m extremely good, probably [...]

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love

want you to know that i still love you
india arie
I think love never ends…it morphs, changes, but most often, never truly ends…our ways of dealing with it force us to compartmentalize, ignore, or bury it when it must change nature…maybe we use such absolutist terms to help us deal with the changes and pain or [...]

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the ugliness of pride

I have to write a quick biographical sketch for something work-related…and it’s up to my discretion…and as I was describing my degree within the sketch, I automatically included that I graduated from the University of Michigan with high distinction. Ugh. In reworking the piece, I removed that bit…but why does pride run so [...]

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passion

Writing calls my heart.
Work responsibilities demand my attention.
And such is life.
What passion calls you? In what do you consistently and thoroughly get lost? What breathes life into you, sustains you, feeds your soul? Expands your mind, nourishes your body?
What are you passionate about?

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coffee, coffee, all things coffee

I use the word “coffee” for a general meeting at a place where they serve coffee. I have never actually ordered just coffee… the closest I sometimes get is a coffee based beverage, like a latte. Sometimes it’s not even a coffee based beverage (hot chocolate, chai tea, etc…)
I think it’s just the idea of [...]

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being a woman

i should be leaving for an errand, but quickly…
i love days that i feel especially beautiful.
because in today’s society, that’s saying something…
and i think it brings glory to God to be comfortable with who he has made you to be…
i love being a woman.
and the power we have as women needs to be wielded responsibly [...]

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question

I’m rebelling against the fact that I have to go in to work today…and am sitting here reading blogs this morning, drinking coffee, way past the time I should have stepped into the shower.
But now I have to snap back to the reality that I’m behind schedule and dash around. ;)
-
In light of [...]

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pondering a year’s time

My one-year anniversary of this particular blog’s existence is one week from today.
Has it already been a year?
Wow. =)
It started out as private scribblings…and then wordpress added the tag and category feature and all of a sudden, I had visitors. ;p
Who would have known some of the friends I have [...]

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parsing: desire vs. reality

I spent quite a bit of time this past holiday weekend mulling over the question of whether or not I like things because I truly like them or if I like them because I want to like them.
I shared this with my best friend, when asked what I was thinking ;), who in [...]

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paradigm shifts

[Feeling rather…blah about having articulated my thoughts well on this since reading it over, but since I published it, I will leave it for now. Hopefully it makes some sense or resonates on some level…;p ]
What paradigm shifts have you experienced that affect your life?
I was mulling over this question this past weekend. [...]

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flexibility

life never ceases to surprise me.
–
surprise!
and it rolls on.
barely time to catch my breath.
roll with it.
smile.
and kiss the brand new day.
this is the stuff of life.
surprises you never saw coming.
emotional roulette or fodder for laughter?
perhaps both.
grieve the past.
ghosts breeze in to say “hello.”
clean out the closets.
demons want to stay.
it’s your choice to play host
or [...]

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irony is thick

So I was asked indirectly by someone giving marriage counseling to do an informal session with two of my dearest friends who are getting married later this summer (wedding number two of this summer season, bringing the count up to six weddings I’ve stood up in so far ;P).
I find this highly amusing and a [...]

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taking hold of the grace that’s freely given

I’ve had a few very emotionally demanding days…with added things to try my patience sprinkled here or there.
I almost set my computer on fire. I had a candle accident. On the same day. Not related.
I had a nail in my tire, came back to the first day at the office to much [...]

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one step forward in figuring this all out? maybe? ;)

My thoughts from three and a half years ago on male-female relationships, that recently became the topic of comments in response to this question I posted.

i don’t trust myself
I don’t trust anything anymore except Jesus Christ. I am thankful that the object of my faith is trustworthy and true.
But I am realizing how easy [...]

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