little did i know

Little did I know
That I almost let you go
Until I caught a glimpse of life
without you
Little did I know
How deep these roots had grown
Until I felt the earth quake here
without you
And this ache is gonna break me love
Until you come back home
Right or wrong
There is no home without you
And these eyes are never gonna dry
I [...]

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responsibilty

Responsibility.
Sometimes I just don’t want to face it.
I don’t want to make life-changing decisions.  Because then I’m responsible for them.  And I have to own them.  I cannot cast responsibility off to someone else.
And so I freeze. Because the task seems so daunting.
Because I don’t want to screw up.
Because I don’t want to be the [...]

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coffee-less lass

Starting week four without coffee.  From three year barista to this…who would have thought?
I no longer have mid-day crashes – at all.  It’s wonderful.  My energy level is so much higher.  It’s crazy.
And I don’t crave it.  Yet.
Phil says just wait and enjoy it while I can – that I’ll go back.  Perhaps, but right [...]

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two worlds…

I randomly stumbled upon the blog of someone who is two years older than I am, with three children, living the life my parents lived…down to raising the very same breed of chickens we used to raise.  It was surreal to read of a life I only hazily remember through the fog of time and [...]

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work.seasons.life

My job is one I adore; it is taxing, it is demanding and it is fabulous.  When I think of how much I’ve grown the past two years on staff, all that I’ve been exposed to, the ways I’ve been developed and had a chance to grow professionally and personally…it makes me sad to ever [...]

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men

S. called this afternoon.  “Hi, I just miss you.”
I love uncomplicated male friendships.
Sometimes, in some of the crowds I run with, everything is so “sexed” because all the Christians are virgins that it just convolutes male/female friendships.  So it’s just so nice when that added layer of confusion or complication is just not there and [...]

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still processing…

I’m twenty-seven, not too old, not too young…but old enough to have experienced some life.
I think about D.  And the friendship we used to have.  The ways in which I am trying to deal with a friend betraying the friendship and walking away for the sake of a girl.  I never foresaw experiencing this kind [...]

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growing in self-awareness

Living with my brother has been an adventure; mostly because I have learned so much about myself through learning about him.  Things that I thought were “Christy” traits I am realizing are more “family” traits…and his commentary about my life is quite insightful.  We come from the same stock, the same parents, though I had [...]

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reality

I’m sitting in a Catholic retreat center…in the room I normally take when I come here once a month.  The iconoclastic nature of Catholic places…took me a while to get used to, being Protestant born and raised.   There is a red tree outside my room…I’m in the middle of a wooded lot…so the Fall colors [...]

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wild world

“Oh baby, baby, it’s a wild world…it’s hard to get by just upon a smile…” – Cat Stevens

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falling

Falling for you, I keep falling for you…
-Shaded Red

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life

Pulling my life back together today.  Putting things back in order, preparing for a crazy work week.  It was to be a busy week as it was – I have a speaking engagement.  Still have to write the talk.  Plus catch up from last week.  Fun times. ;p
–
Trying not to be overwhelmed.  My brother is [...]

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welcome to delaware

new places, new times, old promise.
Well it’s bitter cold December,
and the leaves have fallen true
And I do believe I’m still in love with You
Yeah, my scenery keeps changing
and sometimes it’s hard to view
But You’ve let me see so much since I’ve known You
But I headed to where it seemed like nowhere
You told me You’d come
You [...]

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taking time out, under duress…and the perspective it brings

I cannot remember the last time I’ve had the real flu…the knock out, no holds barred 7 – 10 day flu.
It visited me Sunday morning, while I was away on a weekend jaunt to the State’s capital; a bunch of friends decided to go to Oktoberfest; we stayed over at a bed and breakfast and [...]

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satisfaction

A week ago, I decided to work on becoming more healthy and have my decision to get serious about getting back into shape this Fall include being more intentional about what I eat as well.  So I started a week ago.
Tonight, while sitting in the midst of the student union, waiting for a student, a [...]

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being understood

“That’s living in community, right?”
A friend asked that…
I live in community; I didn’t exactly intend to.  Logically I knew I would be but I didn’t…think it through to realize that is what I was choosing to do.  My landlords are renting to me at basically half price; they have a darling duplex from the 1920’s [...]

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just dance

Lady Gaga just came on; I didn’t even know she existed until a few months ago; I manage to stay in various caves quite readily. ;)  Anyway, the music reminds me of a dance party with Lauren a few weeks ago.  I was determined to not listen to the music…but as friends love her, I [...]

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different facets

I’m learning a lot about myself since living with my brother; I’m eight years older.  We’re both the eldest of our respective genders.  This is the first time we’ve lived together since we’re adults.  I left home about five years ago and before that, for about four years, wasn’t around much because of college.
Needless to [...]

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like dad…

Me: I don’t like to watch movies with romantic scenes with others in general.
My brother: You’re like Dad.
Me: Dad was like that?
My brother: Yeah, he’d fast-forward through those parts.
Me: Oh, I forgot about that.  You’re right.
My brother: You’re a lot like Dad.  With the movies… You’re a hard worker…  You like to read…
Me: I forgot [...]

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tell me

Tell me how you’ve been
Tell me what you see.
Tell me that you’d like to see me, too.
- Norah Jones

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digital memory

So a few weeks ago, about sixty college students showed up for cosmic bowling; as the staff worker, I was also there…it was a long night after a long week.  The idea is to wear white (because with the strobe lights, you glow) and while bowling, to write on each other’s shirts…the students of course [...]

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love

My job is amazing; I also make a lot of sacrifices.  Financially and time wise.  They compensate us greatly – we get four weeks off because we work a lot of nights and weekends, and such…so no complaints…just…a bit of a sadness.  I’m a Fall girl…I love autumn.  I also grew up taking a week’s [...]

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rain

It’s a rainy Saturday morning – my kind of morning.  My brother didn’t come home last night, so I have the place to myself, which I love. :)  Not that he’s not great – he is…and he’s very easy to live with…but there’s still something nice in having the place entirely to yourself.
–
Living with my [...]

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wisdom

I want to write but I need to sleep.
–
It’s been one crazy week, culminating in me flooding the 1920’s house I live in while my landlords are away for the weekend.
Joy.
More later on that. ;)  And other things.
Oh…and I was the main speaker for the students this week…smaller crowd – about sixty of them.  I [...]

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beauty in the breakdown

♫ so let go, oh let go; it’s alright, ’cause there’s beauty in the breakdown…- frou frou

God, I miss him.

–
Amazing how we repaint our past and remember only the good.
I cannot help but miss him.
I remember being in the theatre, watching a movie with this soundtrack, because the movie was similar to his life [...]

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true identity

I should mention my identity is through Jesus, as God’s child, saved by grace.
I’m well aware of that being my identity, but I’m just wrestling with the secondary identities at the moment. ;)

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identity – working out a lot of stuff…

I’ve been thinking a lot about identity as a woman.  As a woman who wants to be a wife and a mother one day.  Identity as a woman who absolutely loves her “career.”  Identity as a single woman.  Identity as a hypothetical married woman.  Identity through various stages of life.
–
I work for an organization that [...]

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thoughts

I am so sore.
I am now working with a trainer and today was our first session; she kicked my butt and I can tell I’m going to be feeling it for probably a few days. :)
Tonight officially ends the craziness of the back-to-school season for me.  Now I’ll just be back to my normal busy [...]

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wow

I knew these two weeks would be busy, but wow. :)
15 hour days, day after day.
I spoke last week – was the keynote speaker and had an awesome time as usual.  The room was packed – about 65 college students crammed into a room made for about 40 – people were literally standing out in [...]

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more

Now she’s playing Joni Mitchell…”A Case of You.”
I expect eternity to be in part like this…
sigh…so lovely.

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