now

take me
dance
pursue me
don’t relent
i need you
more and more i need you

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frail

♫ the human spirit is eternal and frail;
can we accept its bounds?
it’s frightening to offer oneself without walls;
how can we love unless we tear walls down?
(jan krist)

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i am

thankful for restored health and the dawn.
the dawn does come. after a long, restless night.
and i’m not healed fully yet, but strength returns.
and i have a smile upon my face.
not that i need to drag you all through my illness woes.
;)
–
“i’m not gonna write you a love song cause you asked for it, cause you [...]

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new day

Stirring…cold…waiting.
Much to do yet stillness pervades.
One day, one step, one moment.
Serenity; responsibility.
Idealism comes crashing into reality.
And another day begins.

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outside the box

new
crazy
challenging
demanding
energizing
draining
chaotic
symphony
start
stop
learn all over again
churn out
quality
deadline
time stands still
creativity
formulaic
quality over quantity
content-driven
idealistic
practical reality
synthesize
here, there, everywhere
coffee
tea
a little bit
wing and a prayer
discipline
fingers to the keyboard
proof
edit
intuitively weave together
masterpiece or flop?
time will tell
and with a smile and a sigh
one more workday comes to a close.

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grant me

Sever the ties
Sweet release
This is my plea 

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thirst

I’m craving you like the parched, embattered earth,
After a long hard winter,
Craves the first droplets of a warm spring rain
Expectantly waiting for the impending pounding
The raindrops making their way down
Soaking every nook and cranny.

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pride and money

Woke up, did housework, caught up with my roommate, had coffee, worked out, took a long bath/shower…and am now having leftover Thai from last night…and drinking loads of water. I asked for “mild” curry (with eggplant - YUM) and was given “hot” and the waitress kindly added more coconut milk to help temper the [...]

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gift: on friendship

i wanna believe down to the letter.
-Over the Rhine
–
Your love washes over me
Like the cool waters of a desert spring
Over the rough and tumble rock bed
Smoothing, softening, caressing
Flooding the nooks and crannies.
Past bruises from those before
Carried away.
Lost in your ocean
I drown.
–
God never ceases to amaze me, delight me, bless me, when I least deserve it, [...]

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reticent

questions
here, there, everywhere.
you alone are my center,
admist this swirling storm within.
start, stop, come, go.
bury my head in the sand.
wither thou lead?
silent heartbeat .
stirring.
hit the ground.
who am i
but
reticent.

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new day

Swamped
Crazy
Swirling madness
Flurries
Smiles
Taste of sadness
One step
Two step
Count me in
Ready to begin.

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restless

One moment upon another
Indescript
Solitude
Amidst a sea of bodies
The comforting hum
Pitter-pattering the senses
Life
Just out of reach
Eighteen minutes
A lifetime passes
Breathe in, breathe out
And then, then, your day is over
You embrace the drive home
Drinking in your freedom

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your name, sir?

Pure and spotless
Like the sun-kissed dew
Kept myself for you

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forever man

Searching, longing
Waiting to rest
Falling
Into your arms
Or an abyss
One step
Two step
Dance the night away
Restless rest
Ironic so they say
Here, there
Catch you if I can
Where are you
My forever man

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the circle spins

Back at the beginning
Facing our fears all over again
Stop. Start.
Questioning lingering
Drunken addiction
Freedom so sweet
The two mixing
Lines not so neat
Your voice whispers
Carries on the wind
And my bed is empty
Once again.

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anticipation

restless.
wondering what’s just around the corner
questioning.
ready to fall into your arms
and just breathe.

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messy heart

blindsided on a lazy saturday morning
my compartmentalizing falling short.

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the journey home

Tantalizingly close
Yet tortuously out of reach
Expectant hope
Future reality
Seventeen minutes.

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journey

[Again, something from my past...]
 
Walk by faith
Not by sight
Fool for you
Ridiculed
Mocked
Pressed on every side
Darkness before dawn
How much longer
Must I battle
Weary
Tired
Angry
This isn’t how
It’s supposed to be
Where’s the simplicity
Following you
Make sense of it all
Show me your love

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harvest

What am I doing?
Pining for your love
Pining for your touch
This bed is empty
I hunger for you
For your love
For one swift fell with your eyes
For the harvest to come in
You sowed your seeds
And then left
And the seeds, dormant
Trampled on the ground
Ice creeps in
Winter is coming
Winter is coming
And I still hunger for you
Spring
The robins return
But you’re not [...]

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fade away

my love for you, so consistent, so strong
fade away, fade away
taste this freedom
so longed for, so unknown
give me back my smile
give me back my heart
slowly untangling my life from yours
the pain easing
slipping away
all i gave, all i wanted
time to move on
toss my head and smile
no regrets but it’s time
to let this go
my love for you, [...]

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uncertain

Into this dream
I let you enter
Rewriting the script
I watch my plans changed
By the master filmmaker
You weave the threads of my life
And I never would have guessed
Your plans held for me this
And I never would have imagined
All that your hand has fashioned
Yet I still question you
In my childlike understanding
All my girlhood notions
All my dos and don’ts
You [...]

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disillusion

Disillusion
Misconstruction
Kicked in the gut
Unknowing
Oblivious
Left in a heap
Afraid but willing
Vulnerability
Time and time again
Frustrating
Edifying
The circle spins
Head up
Eyes flashing
Piercing the breast
Weary
Battle scarred
Fought for so long
How long until I can rest

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inadequate

Frustrated
Passive, aggressive
Misunderstood
Heart in my hand
Bound by direction
Lips tightly pressed
Truth hidden
Desire within my breast
Stop, start
Search for answers
Where do I run
When will this be unveiled?
Hitting a brick wall
I find my true self
Your eyes reflect
All I am not
Disappointment
Overwhelming
Then I’m reminded
He’s picked up the slack

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pierced

infamous black-widow
haughty, heartless spirit
have you now become the black widower?
sprung before i had time to move
pierced through me with your love
and then retreated
your mark made
leaving me alone to try to heal
all i can do is hold my palms over the wound
my hands are wet
and you, you alone, hold the antidote
a million miles away
entrenched in another [...]

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security

do you hear the silent beat
the silent cry
the restlessness
through the ground
through the storm
the plea for you to
break into this dark night
your silence, deafening
crushing the lifeblood, crushing the heart
held so trembling before you
stomped to the ground
rended but not broken
the cusp is precarious
do you even realize the gravity?
quick glance, piercing thought
invading my mind
soul fu*k
into your arms i [...]

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breathe

Steal my heart
Take my love
Drown me in your ocean
Tear down the walls
Let me see inside
Embrace me
Hold me
Love me
Kiss me
Let me know your heart
Dare to believe
Stay for awhile
Don’t leave
Wipe away your fears
And just breathe

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grace

take down the pictures
pack away the memories
your movements so cliché
break free from the weights
that burden your heart
kiss the brand new day
one hour removed
from thoughts that consume
one day closer to new life
the shadow of the man
you thought you knew
hounding yours
entangled for so long
cut the chords
and fall
 
into grace
 

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confession

i miss who we were
so innocent and naive
bright-eyed, hopeful, loving
and then reality hit
and i was blinded by my own self
incessant
and you, silent
the bonds broken before i realized they were even in danger
the damage seems unrepairable
phone calls, unanswered
forgiveness asked,
the request, lingering in the air
“the wages of sin are death”
and i accept this present reality
wrapped up in [...]

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