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Archive for February, 2008

focus

productive night

full steam ahead

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hum de dum

i see you and i need you (bebo)

[bebo always reminds me of you, anna.  ;) ]

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heh

Being a perfectionist and being meticulous is not always the most helpful when it comes to work.  ;)

Save me from myself!

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come, spring…

i’m so restless today!

waiting for the new day. 

=)

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waiting for eternity

i cannot wait for eternity because then i can actually do the work i want to do – all the time!

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never have enough “time” this side of eternity. That’s why I’m thrilled that I have all of eternity to continue doing the things I love – to continue learning and reading and enjoying life. To explore and write and dance. To create, to discover, to produce. To rest and to play. To love and to enjoy. I may have only so many years here on earth, and who knows how long I’ve been granted, but I’m not stressed over it, for the things that I don’t accomplish here, I’ll continue to pursue on the other side. (from above linked piece)

it’s not that i don’t like work or working (it’s not as if i want to go on a never-ending vacation – i would be bored within the span of a week) – i just don’t like always having to do what needs to be done. three day weekends would be sublime because then i could more fully attend to the things that are on my agenda, that are important to me – writing that book, writing the articles, doing research, going to school for further education, organizing my house from top to bottom, teaching and creating…

but the time for those things is so limited in the grand scheme of things…so that’s when i find myself dreaming about a sugardaddy (tongue in cheek!) or some great financial windfall that would allow me, not to not work, but rather, to spend my time doing the things that matter to me…rather than those that matter to a world bent on making money. (hello, cynicism!)

yes, i’m an idealist, and yes, i know reality is anything but…but a girl can dream, can’t she?

waiting for that day…

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what’s procrastination?

i blog best when deadlines are looming.

though i cannot say today is a “best” blogging day.  i’m not caving into my great temptation to write like a mad woman on anything but the tasks at hand.  i’m just occasionally writing snippets.

i have a full weekend ahead of me.

i think we should have three day weekends. 

jan krist’s music is fabulous.

i still have me, ahem, three trees with white lights on them set up. (they are no longer “christmas” trees – they are…”winter trees.”  named “the henries” in honor of the original henry.  i should come up with individual names for henry’s spawn.

i have a very understanding roommate who has allowed me to keep my eccentricities.  though i wonder if i can keep them up until at least april…hopefully, becca, you’ll skip over this post and your passivity will be taken as a “yes.”

grin

i’m easily distracted today.  what’s wrong with me? !

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here, there, everywhere

i have brilliant friends; whether they know this or not doesn’t really matter – but after exchanging ideas with them, especially in the areas i’m supposedly “good at” i feel like an idiot.  *grin*

someone had better not be praying for humility for me.  ;p  that’s all i can say.  (whenever my mother does, i have the worst weeks in the department of humiliation. wink.)

the kettle is whistling.

and i have another six hours of work at least.  hmm…winter is a good time for hibernation i’ve decided and bunkering down to get a lot of work done.

though today, i still just wann play hooky.

oh, the keattle…

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when the day is long…

you are all i need

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work

Tonight is going to be a long night.

!!

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come clean the shadows…

 One of my constant prayers.

Come clean the shadows in the closets of my soul
You are the Light to come and show
All of the empty places and the darkened rooms
I cannot hide from what You know
‘Cause Your truth is the light
So come and light me from the inside

Open me up
And let the healing begin in me
I’m giving up everything I am and all that I’ll ever be

Come pour in all the things
You’re holding there for me
You’ve been there waiting for me to see
All of the things I’ve placed between Your heart and mine
Too much of me I’ve tried to hide
But Your truth is the light
So come and light me from the inside

What is to come is not yet seen
But You have promised everything
I know that when I wait for You
You make it worth the while
From where I am to where You are
May seem to be way too far
But I call out in the dark
Your truth is the light
So come and light me from the inside

Come clean the shadows in the closets of my soul
You are the Light to come and show
All of the empty places and the darkened rooms
I cannot hide from what You know

(Watermark’s “Open Me Up”)

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discovering beauty

grace finds beauty in everything (U2)

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la de da da

900 million thousand things to do and I just wanna play hooky today.  ;p

Going to make a pot of tea…had Jenni over last night and made some amazing brownies, which is especially incredible considering I had to modify almost every ingredient due to what I had on hand in my kitchen.  *grin*  They turned out superb, if I do say so myself, enough that I want to remember what I did.  (Whole wheat flour, brown sugar, one less egg, less baking powder, less flour overall = intensely chocolatey  from-scratch warm brownie goodness.)

My roommate, Becca, and I were made for each other.  She likes crusts (I dislike them but eat them because Momma and Daddy always said to because of the poor) so I no longer have to eat crusts!  And she likes the sides of baked goods – the “ends” – “corners” and I like the middle.  *grin*  Jenni went into the kitchen to get a second brownie and laughed because I had cut pieces out of the middle and Becca had taken the corners, so the pan of brownies looked like a jigsaw puzzle.  Hehe.  Yuuuuuuuuuuum.

Jenni was over for four hours before I threw her out – it seemed like only half an hour; we had so much to catch up on!

And yes, of course I gave her the Myers-Briggs test (well, to be specific, Becca did at my suggestion since she had my laptop in her lap when I suggested it).  ;)

Oh, my tea…

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grin

Did I mention that I love life?  =)

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this, that

I get off early today because I worked through lunch; hoping to go home and do some baking before a girlfriend comes over – mixing a little work with pleasure. =) Tomorrow’s a workday from home. Those days are bliss. I function best when left to myself. ;)

I’m currently obsessed with Myers-Briggs. Maybe “obsessed” is too strong of a word choice. “Greatly enamored” one might say. ;) I’ve been giving the test to friends left and right. And informing them their marriages or relationships will or will not work out due to their significant others’ readings (just KIDDING – sorta). Grin.

I have another slew of books to add to my ever-growing reading list. I received a package from Amazon yesterday – nothing delights me more (okay, so maybe some things ;p) than receiving a package of books.

I’m looking forward to reading “Captivating” again. When it was first recommended to me, I figured it was another run-of-the mill book about women but it’s hardly that. ;p Quite the gem if I remember correctly. Curious to see what my response is the second read-through.

Enjoying life. Trying to climb some pretty big mountains, but half the fun is in the adventure of doing so. ;)

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sentiment

Restless
Hungry

Waiting to consume

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Heaven on Earth, we need it now
I’m sick of all of this hanging around
Sick of sorrow, sick of the pain
I’m sick of hearing again and again
That there’s gonna be peace on Earth

Where I grew up there weren’t many trees
Where there was we’d tear them down
And use them on our enemies
They say that what you mock
Will surely overtake you

And you become a monster
So the monster will not break you

And it’s already gone too far
You say that if you go in hard
You won’t get hurt

Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line
Peace on Earth

Tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth

No whos or whys
No one cries like a mother cries
For peace on Earth

She never got to say goodbye
To see the colour in his eyes
Now he’s in the dirt
Peace on Earth

They’re reading names out over the radio
All the folks the rest of us won’t get to know
Sean and Julia, Gareth, Ann, and Breda
Their lives are bigger than any big idea

Jesus can you take the time
To throw a drowning man a line
Peace on Earth

To tell the ones who hear no sound
Whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth

Jesus and the song you wrote
The words are sticking in my throat
Peace on Earth

Hear it every Christmas time
But hope and history won’t rhyme
So what’s it worth
This peace on Earth
Peace on Earth
Peace on Earth

[U2’s “Peace On Earth”]

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numbed anger

This world is a sick, sick, sick place.

Lord, have mercy.  

Sometimes I wonder how much longer any of us can go on in the midst of the evil we face, personally and corporately – having to watch friends and loved ones go through hell.

I know I should be remembering the hope that I have as a believer, but God also tells us to weep with those who weep and to mourn with those who mourn.  There is a time for mourning.

And tonight, I grieve.

And pray for justice.

And thank God that He is a just God.  That He will one day right these wrongs.

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intuition

I’m a very intuitive person.

Extremely so.

Rarely am I wrong.  I will readily admit when and if I am, but especially when it comes to people, I usually can sense things very readily, both in just judging character and heart but also just within a relationship.  Is it a knack?  An ability I’ve honed?  A gift?  All of the above?  I dunno.  I just am thankful for it.  I am starting to appreciate it more and more.

I have no idea why that came to mind just now.  It just did.  *grin*

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The risk of listening to music as you work is distraction.
Ever had a song come on and all your senses are demanded by it? And you lose yourself in it?
Uh huh.

Stevie Wonder’s “Pastime Paradise” = orgasmic.

They’ve been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They’ve been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They’ve been wasting most their time
Glorifying days long gone behind
They’ve been wasting most their days
In remembrance of ignorance oldest praise

Tell me who of them will come to be
How many of them are you and me
Dissipation
Race relations
Consolation
Segregation
Dispensation
Isolation
Exploitation
Mutilation
Mutations
Miscreation
Confirmation…to the evils of the world

They’ve been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They’ve been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They’ve been looking in their minds
For the day that sorrows gone from time
They keep telling of the day
When the savior of love will come to stay

Tell me who of them will come to be
How many of them are you and me
Proclamation
Of race relations
Consolation
Integretion
Verification
Of revelations
Acclamation
World salvation
Vibrations
Stimulation
Confirmation…to the peace of the world

They’ve been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They’ve been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They’ve been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They’ve been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
We’ve been spending too much of our lives
Living in a pastime paradise

Lets start living our lives
Living for the future paradise
Praise to our lives
Living for the future paradise
Shame to anyones lives
Living in the pastime paradise

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Have I mentioned I love life?

I’m feeling very loved at the moment. Not that feeling loved means I’m called to live my life any differently than I do – I’m called to always love and to give of myself as Jesus would, whether or not I receive back, but friendships are just so amazing. I marvel at how God chose to intertwine them into the very fabric of life. I believe it was Lewis who said friendships aren’t necessary but add value to life.

Friday night, I grabbed dinner randomly with my girlfriend Molly, ran into Suzy and Teddy at the same restaurant and so the four of us supped together, then I came home and hung out with Molly and Becca until I started getting sleepy – but then I ended up talking with Elias (former professor and dear friend) for a bit, which was lovely to catch up with him. Saturday, I spent the day spring cleaning with Becca and running errands and she treated me to lunch at one of my favorite places…then that afternoon, I went to see another girlfriend (Cherie, I was in her wedding last August) and she and I had a fabulous visit (it was the first time I was able to see her new apartment since she got married, yikes!) and then I went to a fresh fruits and veggie market that was spectacular because Mother called to tell me about it – another small gesture of love. Then I drove out to Anna and Randy’s for the evening upon which arriving I helped Anna prepare a great Italian dinner with some amazing red wine and then she and I baked an English lemon-infused sponge cake together (she’s half Brit ;) before we hung out chatting and visiting with Randy and just, altogether, having a ton of fun. Then she and I watched “Amazing Grace” which was an incredible, incredible movie about William Wilberforce, an English abolitionist. If anyone hasn’t seen it, GO RENT IT. Amazing. And made me want to cry over the injustices done. Beautifully acted and portrayed. Incredible, incredible film. Oh, wait, I already used “incredible.” Well, repetition suggests importance, does it not? At least in Biblical exegesis. So in Christy exegesis, I recommend the same type of reading. *wink* So I had the most lovely night with Anna and Randy and then came home very late, unloaded my groceries and climbed into bed around 1 a.m.

Woke up the next morning to find Becca making me breakfast before we headed to church (a church I’ve been attending for the last six years or so) and Bob, the pastor, gave a great message, per usual, and then, she and I had a lazy day at home. I did more spring cleaning and crazily decided I was going to move all of my bedroom furniture around *grin* so my room is fabulous at the moment, though I still have some things to finish with regard to getting my home office/room situated.

Could I have had a better weekend? :0 I am truly blessed. The sun was shining, it was relatively warm outside, not bitingly cold, and there was much laughter and love amidst a lot of productivity.

And then today I woke up to some lovely emails, a smiling Becca, great coffee (I’m a sucker for the rich aroma of coffee!) and as I am working from home today, Anna came over to visit during my lunch hour and we had a fabulous visit. She just left and I’m about ready to jump back into my workday.

I thank God for blessed life.

I am insanely blessed. I keep thinking of Dad lately – he’s been in my dreams and on my mind quite a bit…and thinking of him always reminds me of how short life is and how we only have today, each moment. May I never forget that and may I always remember how beautiful life is and how rich I truly am.

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thought

“Anyone who knows the good and does not do it, sins.”

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Sometimes I wonder if I’m using my gifts to the best of my ability.

Today I randomly stumbled across this note I took in class one time when I was an undergraduate.

My professor worked for the New York Times for seven years, among a long list of other accomplishments in the writing field, including being on NPR, The Today Show, working for Newsday, Business Week, the New York Post, etc. (according to my notes I scribbled down.) I share that only to share his accreditation.

He opened up one journalism class I had with him with the following statement, which totally caught me off guard.

Speaking to my peers, he said, “I’ve had Christen many times – excellent writer. If you have any questions, just ask her, not me.”

In the years since that time, I wonder if I have pursued my gifts as much as I should have. I do intend/desire to freelance once day, but I’m pursuing other dreams/passions at the moment as I get out of law (which is not currently a dream or passion of mine – just something I do to put bread on my table though I can see being passionate about it if I were working in a specific field within law, etc.)…but my true heart, my true love is writing. But I remember staring at two roads, journalism or the legal world and making a decision, and I chose, obviously, the latter. Now I’m leaving that world to work with college students full time in a more coaching/mentoring role that requires me to wear many different hats – whether this will be long term or just 3 – 5 years, I don’t yet know. But…I long to write, to publish, to enter that world vocationally. But would making it my job hamper my absolute joy and passion for the art? I have a voice and I am opinionated enough and passionate enough to want to share it – somehow I don’t think that will be hampered. I just do not wish to end up writing text books, or being a ghost writer while I break into journalism. I’d rather write as I please and will and perhaps freelance as I desire. And yet…

Something to think about as I think about the next five to ten years. Where do I want to be? What do I want to be doing?

The nice thing about writing is that as long as I have a pen and a piece of paper, I can do it no matter what. *grin*

I also, partially, feel so rusty in my skills. I was talking with a friend last night and he said “I’m getting down your style, I think; you have a very abstract style. It’s delightful.” I had to laugh because whatever style I have has just evolved over the years. I used to be incredibly technical and purposefully so. But perhaps it’s like my father always said when speaking of my protests over his daily grammar lessons, “Christy, you may break the rules only when you have mastered them.” Perhaps I’m just now enjoying to the full extent the ability to break the rules. ;p

One of the great things about following Jesus is that I can be in the center of God’s will no matter what I do – God’s will being loving him and loving others, becoming more like Jesus every day. So whether I am a barista at a coffee shop, a paralegal at a busy firm, a writer, or work with college students, I can be in the center of his will, and that’s very freeing indeed. And also allows for much liberty to pursue my heart’s desires. =) But that still doesn’t answer fully the pervasive questioning I have – am I using what God has given me to the best of my ability to honor and glorify Him with my life?

A question I believe I shall always been examining and revisiting throughout life.

As it should be. If I might proffer a passionate opinion. ;p

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desire

Let my foolish pride forever let me down.
-Switchfoot

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hello morning

Goodmorning, world!  =)

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mercy, grace, truth

rain down on me

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stuck in a moment

Have I mentioned I love life and U2?? ;)

You got yourself stuck in a moment and have to get out of it…

I wouldn’t mind staying stuck in this “moment” – at least for a week or so.

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this is awesome

My roommate just made me breakfast.  *grin*

What a lovely way to start the day!

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spring cleaning?

I’m on an organizing kick today; soooooooo super excited. Went out and bought a few (gorgeous, I might add) organizational pieces that were on sale (yay) and a paper shredder. I’m excited about the paper shredder. *grin* I’m rearranging my home office/bedroom space and thinking through how to maximize my space for most effective use.

I have a meeting I have to leave for in an hour and need/want to workout before then, but it’s been a lovely day. I was going to put in some hours this morning but played hooky and it was well worth it.

Beautiful, sunshine-filled day. Tis lovely!

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When does the “joining of two becoming one flesh” happen? At what point in a relationship? (Speaking of course within the Biblical context of “and the man shall leave his parents and cleave until his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”) Is it the minute you say “I do”? (And since when was a traditional Western wedding ceremony indicative of a marriage?)

I’m a bit of a rebel in thinking about these things. Which will inevitably get me in trouble with some, but oh well. ;p

But seriously…does it happen upon consummation? Surely there must be more. Especially because many sleep together before marriage. Or? Is it the faithfully living out your vows to your spouse that makes a marriage? Is it all of the above? And if so, what percentage of each goes into the mix? *grin*

Of course, there’s the legal component, but I’m not dealing with that at the moment.

I remember the day I realized that the way Christian culture does weddings just befuddled me. I don’t see the traditions practiced (church ceremony, etc.) in Scripture, so why are we doing it that way? Yeah, yeah, so the community can celebrate with us and help keep us accountable to our vows – I get that ;) but beyond that, why do we choose to do it that way?

I like the idea of a few days party detailed in Scripture – that sounds like a lotta fun. *grin*

I remember the day I marched into my mother’s living room and said “Mom, I don’t buy all this traditional stuff. What is marriage? Is it not a vow between two people and God and the living it out in community?” I think I told her I just planned to “take” a husband and remain faithful to him and wasn’t sold on the whole “get in married in a church idea.” (It’s amazing my mother barely has any white hair, considering I’m only child number one out of seven. *grin*

Not saying that’s what I’ll do – but the whole institution of marriage is one that bears introspection, especially in today’s society (and I realize that there are many people, dear friends included, who wouldn’t ascribe to the way I choose to define “marriage” which is between one man and one wife.) I have a lot of friends who are within partnerships, etc. and want their rights to be legally recognized or marriage to be redefined to include their partnerships, and I’m not touching that topic or upon civil unions, etc. Merely the idea of the traditional sense of the word “marriage” and what that really, truly means for those of us who ascribe to the Biblical idea of marriage.

Some might be wondering why I would even bring this up.

;p

Even before I knew what philosophy was, I was challenging the status quo, thinking deeply about topics as a little girl, asking questions, not accepting the norm “just because.” I do it for sport, I do it out of principle, I do it because I love to.

In January, I was hanging out with a bunch of colleagues at a party, coworkers who are dear friends, and a few of us got into discussing a strange hypothetical scenario and spent a good two hours discussing it. Of course, I enjoy that type of thing but I also think there is great value in it; however, a few colleagues left our particular conversation because they couldn’t see the point in discussing at the ideology level, the hypothetical, the “possible.”

I forget, sometimes, that not everyone has been created like me. *grin* I could discuss things until the cows come home. ;p

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friday ramblings

I feel like I’m presently learning 900 things. It’s quite the time of life. *grin*

I’m thankful it’s Friday, though I’ll be working almost all weekend, so I’m not quite sure why I’m so excited that it’s Friday – perhaps because I don’t like sitting at a desk all day in an office? *wink*

I want to read and create and draw and bake; I want to play piano and spring clean; I want to go on adventures and settle in for a good movie. I want to share life with someone. Anyone. Which is, good, haha, because I have a few dates with girlfriends scheduled in, so amidst the work, I will be able to pause and exchange. Exchanging is important to me – ideas, heart to hearts, theories, opinions…I’m very much a one on one kinda gal. *grin*

Of course, I had to inform my current roommate of that. Others get used to it, but she’s like me, so it’s great – she understands. ;)

I had a super productive day yesterday – not necessarily in the areas I really wanted to be productive in, but productive nonetheless.

And last night, we made dinner together and watched “Breach” – about the biggest security breach in the FBI. Fabulously done.

All the students are going on spring break this week, so while I’m still working my normal work week, it will seem a lot less full, which excites me. =) Once they get back, we’ll be gearing up for our big campaign week on campus – partnering with World Vision, we’ll raising awareness of the vast numbers of orphans left by the AIDS pandemic (focusing primarily on Africa) and thus raising financial support for those orphans. We have a lot planned for that week, and I’m excited about it but there is a lot of prep work leading up to the week (third week of March), so it’ll be a busy month. Hard to believe February is quickly coming to a close.

I cannot wait, however, for springtime. It’s currently minus 30 degrees F and that’s like the tropics compared to what it’s been the last few days, not counting wind chill factor! I feel like Laura Ingalls Wilder, burrowed in her little hole in the ground home in the Dakotas during the long, cold, hard winter months – just trying to stay warm, listening to the shrill wind whipping around the corners! It’s been an especially cold year this year for some reason.

La de da da. I’m thankful it’s Friday. *grin*

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